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March 11th, 2010
07:00 PM ET

Why does divorce make men more suicidal than women?

FROM CNN's Jack Cafferty:

It's no secret divorces can be ugly, messy and uncomfortable in so many ways... but now there's research that suggests divorce is also one of the top reasons for suicide among men.

AOL News reports that the stress and sadness associated with divorce take a much tougher toll on men than women.

Experts say suicide rates are higher among divorced men - and lowest among those who are still married. Single men fall in between.

One sociologist who studies family structure and suicide rates says divorced men are almost 40 percent more likely to commit suicide than those who are still married. That number jumps to 50 percent for a man who is widowed.

Yet for women there's a statistically insignificant difference when it comes to the risk for suicide among those who are married, divorced or widowed.

Some think it's because marriage provides a support system that men rely on much more than women. There are also studies that show married men take fewer risks and are healthier - less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs.

Another reason why women might be less suicidal is because of the children. Women often remain the primary caretakers for kids after divorce; and research shows that for every additional child in a home, the adult is less and less likely to commit suicide.

Overall - men in this country are four times more likely than women to take their own lives.

Here’s my question to you: Why does divorce make men more suicidal than women?

Interested to know which ones made it on air?

G. writes:
Try paying 50% of your income in child support, another 20% in taxes, and being threatened with jail and loss of your professional license if you don't pay. Then to top it off you won't get to see your children, because the court won't enforce visitation. See what that does to you emotionally.

Philip writes:
As a divorced man, I can honestly say I contemplated suicide for the first time in my life during the first year or two of my separation. It's incredibly difficult to have your entire family life – children, home and even wife – pulled away from you. Prior to the divorce, I was very happy, making a good salary and living in a nice neighborhood. Soon after the divorce, I was saddled with very high child support payments, debt from legal fees and barely enough left over to pay the rent of my small 1 bedroom apartment.

Martha writes:
It is a known fact that women have always been able to live alone much better than men. Simply put, women are built to survive being alone better because I believe we get less emotional support from men than they get from us.

Bob writes:
Divorce takes everything away from a man: money, family, self-esteem, etc. A divorced father of a daughter is treated like a potential child molester. No sleepovers at your house for your daughter's friends during her weekend visits with you. Despair sets in. You ask yourself in the quiet times by yourself, why not?

Rosemarie in Oregon writes:
Because the man loses everything: wife, children, money, friends and family who may have been close but now are distant. There is a lot involved in the loss of a marriage. This is like a death in your close family. Almost unbearable.

R.J. writes:
I divorced my wife last year after 30 years of a dead marriage. I tried all a man could try... Even my two teenagers chose to live with me full time. Some days the pain of missing my family – not her – is so great I just wish it was over. The kicker is, I am a professional counselor and help other people. I will go on, I will love and remarry I hope, but this was not how life was supposed to be, not when I tried so hard to make it work.


Filed under: Uncategorized
soundoff (300 Responses)
  1. David from Herndon, VA

    Because they get reamed in divorce court and have to pay alimony that never seems to allow for retirement or economic downturn.

    March 11, 2010 at 2:47 pm |
  2. Kim in Dodge City, KS

    Because they lose every thing, every time. Whoever does the filing should walk away with nothing.

    March 11, 2010 at 2:49 pm |
  3. Rick McDaniel

    Would not agree that it does.

    What actually happens, is the woman gets the court to give her everything, usually by claiming the man was guilty of infidelity (true or not), and leaving the man with nothing.

    That will make a man a bit discouraged, for sure, but not necessarily suicidal......although homicidal might be accurate.

    March 11, 2010 at 2:53 pm |
  4. diane

    Jack:

    I believe your questioning needs to be more specific.

    Obviously in our society today with (2) wars and failing economy and taxes up the rear men and women are finding more difficulities
    to make a life for themselves.

    There are so many added pressures of daily life and life for some is no longer enjoyable.

    It is called the good with the bad and it becomes ugly.

    Diane
    Julian, Ca

    March 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm |
  5. Steve

    It's a simple answer. Basically they get shafted by the women and the courts, especuially the poor men. They have no money to get a good lawyer. They don't make enough to support a divorced spouse and kids plus themselves. The mothers, if they have custody, usually influence the kids to hate their fathers especially for lack of support. They
    only have one alternative, nothing to live for, no place to turn for help, the men commit suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 2:55 pm |
  6. AlphaPoe1

    Because women are stronger, emotionally and mentally, and are better equipped to move on with their lives.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm |
  7. divorced

    Been divorced? Then you're all alone, coming home from a crummy job to a lousy apartment. Figuring out what to eat.

    Add in alimony and child support.

    Want to really stir the pot? Lose your job. Can we say alone with no safety net? Forget unemployment, have a degree and anything like a professional job there are ways to NOT pay it. And the state usually helps.

    Going to room temperature looks awfully good.

    Bet its gone through the roof since the Republicans did this Great Contract TO America. TO is right, big shaft.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:07 pm |
  8. David Bebeau,Springfield Missouri

    Jack,Grrreat question and I do have the text book answer.

    Answer:
    Because men are far more insecure way more insecure than women.
    David

    March 11, 2010 at 3:08 pm |
  9. Rachel in San Diego, CA

    The realization that now they have to cook, clean and do their own laundry as well as pay child support and alimony.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:09 pm |
  10. Joanne

    Men are physically strong, however they are not emotionally strong.
    Joanne
    Mn

    March 11, 2010 at 3:11 pm |
  11. Chris in Atlanta

    It's the money Jack, no pun intended. Men loose the house and everything in it, the car, the savings, and a chuck of their pay check for a long time to come. That's why they say "It is cheaper to keep her"

    March 11, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
  12. Lee - Houston TX

    It may be because the ex-wife usually gets full custody of the kids. Imagine a reduced or complete cut-off of a relation with your kids. It has to lead to strong bouts of depression.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:22 pm |
  13. Winston- NC

    Jack,

    In interviewing applicants for loans, it appears that men are usually more financially harmed than women. From what I see, women plan their departure. They get new bank accounts, an appartment and when the time is right, they leave.

    Many men are surprised by this. Often times, they are left with expenses, they can no longer afford, the prospects having to pay alimony and child support and sinks into a depression. The wife on the other hand retains her cash, credit and sense of stability.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:30 pm |
  14. Mike from Denver

    Some guys will do anything to get out of paying alimony.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  15. Paul

    Because the wives take the car, the house, the kids, and all the money, and the husbands get all the bills.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  16. Banned in Hartwell GA

    Using my own experience as a guide, I'd say it is because the woman normally gets custody of the kids and therefore won't leave the man alone. He can't live with her, and she makes damned sure he can't enjoy his new life without her interfering with it.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:35 pm |
  17. Loren, Chicago

    Women are tougher than men. Men and women enter marriage for different reasons and have different attitudes towards marrige.

    I don't know this as a fact, but I suspect that divorce is initiated more by women than men and that fact alone suggests women are emotionally farther along in the necessary emotional distancing that's necessary for the healing process of divorce.

    Having been asked by my former wife "how do you want to be served?" as her way of sayng she wanted a divorce, I have seen how much farther along in the process they are and have felt the impact.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:35 pm |
  18. Jerry Johns Creek, GA

    Most likely due to what actions or behaviors lead up to most divorces. I think this would be a good question for Tiger Woods.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:37 pm |
  19. John from Alabama

    Jack: Women do much better alone than do men. Most women out live their husbands an stay alone the rest of their lives. Men commit suicide when they realize out much money they have lost, or maybe it is the love they lose from their children and friends. Divorce is one of the leading stressors in our nation, and it causes men to do stupid things, like kill themselves.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:39 pm |
  20. Simon/Orlando

    Personally Jack, When I got my last divorce I was so happy to get away from that b-h that my drinking and carousing almost killed me. I guess you could call that suicidal, but in a good way.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:42 pm |
  21. Beth, Georgia

    Perhaps it has something to do with all those studies that find men to be more competitive. The more competitive you are, the more likely a loss or rejection will you hit harder.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
  22. Tina Tx

    In general men do not have the closeness of a group of friends to pull them out of depression. Women get together and go shopping, movies or have the kids to take care of and men just go to work and come home and stew about what went wrong and are too ashamed to reach out for help.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  23. Beth Calaveras County CA

    And what about the many, many studies that show men make out much better financially after divorce than women? Maybe women already know how to do with less, so they have stronger survival skills.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:49 pm |
  24. David Word

    Because usually men loose their homes, children, and most of their assets. Additionally, most men are so career focused, that we do not build close friendships or have a support network once we are cut off from our family....thus we feel very alone....

    March 11, 2010 at 3:50 pm |
  25. george coleman

    George from Crofton, Kentucky. Veteran (U.S.Army-Airborne)
    I was married for 45 years to the same woman and have been divorced for 7 years. During our long marriage, i learned how to perform household chores and shared responsibilities inside the house with my wife. I know several divorced men who don't know and that's a big problem for them. I think the biggest reason for the difference in suicidal tendencies is because man are much more logical than women and men see it's a uphill battle and no winner at the end. Women have greater imaginations and live in a paper doll world of fantasy and that keeps them going longer and stronger.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:50 pm |
  26. Larry from Georgetown, Texas

    Simpe Jack, because we men even though we have a difficult time admitting it are weaker and more insecure than women.

    March 11, 2010 at 3:54 pm |
  27. diane

    Men and women in our society are having a more difficult time of making a living for themselves therefore not making their lives very happy. With (2) wars and a failing economy it does not make for a great lifestyle.
    Therefore it is the good with the bad and then the ugly.

    Diane
    Julian, Ca

    March 11, 2010 at 3:55 pm |
  28. Jim Z..Ft. Worth...Texas

    Jack, do you think it is possible that when all those effort's performed by wives for men, suddenly dispersed to the winds, leaves them hopeless and helpless beyond despair, thus opening the gallow door at our own volition?

    March 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm |
  29. Dennis north Carolina

    cost the more money.

    March 11, 2010 at 4:02 pm |
  30. D.C. Philip

    it proves women are more into the money side when men are more involved on the romantic side and men are the ones who lose all as the woman walk away with the car/house/kids/money!

    March 11, 2010 at 4:03 pm |
  31. Ed from California

    Because she gets the Diamonds in the Diamond mine, and we get the shaft!!

    March 11, 2010 at 4:06 pm |
  32. Cheryl in Bluffton, SC

    They say marriage is better for men's health than women's. Now it appears divorce is better for women's health! Long story short, men take women for granted – and when they're gone, it's too late. Remember, men: Happy wife, happy life!

    March 11, 2010 at 4:11 pm |
  33. chris

    because mena re the ones stuck with losing everything paying child support that is why

    March 11, 2010 at 4:13 pm |
  34. The Broker.

    "I didn't know it did? But then, could it have something to do with trying to make ends meet? Now the guy needs to pay for two homes? Three different lives? I suppose it all depends on how rich you are?"

    "What do I know???"

    March 11, 2010 at 4:18 pm |
  35. Joe CE

    How about a gender difference? We seem obsessed with statistics and we usually don't know how to interpet them.

    March 11, 2010 at 4:25 pm |
  36. Doug - Dallas

    Maybe it's because they get tired of grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat.

    March 11, 2010 at 4:32 pm |
  37. Bizz Quarryville, Pennsylvania

    It has to be the alimony payments.

    March 11, 2010 at 4:41 pm |
  38. Greg in PA

    Jack if I knew the answer to that question then I be a damned pyschiatrist now wouldn't I? Jack you are slipping again, get with the program. I beginning to think I am reading the "Ask Marilyn" section of Parade Magazine and some idiot is asking a person with a genius IQ "why do I wear my pants down around my ankles?".

    March 11, 2010 at 4:41 pm |
  39. Jill

    Studies show men over the age of 35 are happier married, women over the age of 35 are happier single.

    March 11, 2010 at 4:43 pm |
  40. Morgan Hutchins

    Well Jack,
    Probably because nine times out of ten, men get hosed when it comes to divorce. Problems with a marriage don't end at divorce, they only just begin.

    March 11, 2010 at 4:45 pm |
  41. Richard/NH

    Jack, its simple. In general, men lack the same level of "introspection" that women have. Men have a tendency to project all of their fantasies onto a woman-seeing this person as a projection of an unknown ideal. Women, on the other hand, have a tendency to look very deeply not only into themselves but the whole situation and usually come to realize that " you can't loose what you never had ."

    March 11, 2010 at 4:52 pm |
  42. JENNA

    Why does divorce make men more suicidal than women?

    Beacuse when push comes to shove they don't realize how good they had it until they lost it.

    Jenna
    Roseville CA

    March 11, 2010 at 4:52 pm |
  43. Susan Frost

    They don't have anyone to feed them, clean up after them or listen to their incessant whining – which is usually why they're divorced in the first place, any why their ex-wives are so happy to be rid of them!

    Susan
    Tuscaloosa AL

    March 11, 2010 at 5:00 pm |
  44. Jerry Jacksonville, Fl.

    They're probably hell bent on not paying any alimony while his ex wife live with another man or he's so damn happy he is mistaken for someone about to commit suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:10 pm |
  45. Conor in Chicago

    "Women need security like a man needs approval"

    Men don't feel complete unless they have someone approving of who they are-particularly a woman who loves them. Since divorce is the ultimate "you suck" it's understandable that men could react in such a destructive way.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:15 pm |
  46. Ed's Kate

    Who knows? They are the only ones who know the real reason for committing suicide. Who are we to denounce a person who finds themselves in such dire circumstances that they feel that act is their only remedy? Divorce as we all know can have different effects on the individuals involved. Some roll with the punches, others take it so hard they end up doing things they would never think of doing in a thousand years.
    Then again, there can be cynical reason. He may not want to have to pay alimony/child support for the rest of his life and if that is the case, he decides to get even with his ex and takes the coward's way out!!!

    March 11, 2010 at 5:17 pm |
  47. Moe Dallas TX

    Because most men lose their rear ends in a divorce, women still have theirs to flip around !!

    March 11, 2010 at 5:25 pm |
  48. Jim

    That's an easy question Jack. Men don't handle being alone as well as woman because women are social creatures by nature and usually have a strong network of close friends. Men do not. When you add to that the fact that many times, due to the structure of our legal system, men lose a house they paid for, children they fathered, large sums of money for child support and/or alimony, as well as mutual friends, they become depressed. Depression if untreated, can lead to suicide. It would be interesting to see how women who lose children and the house in a divorce fare if you're going to ask this question. As a man, been there done that, aside from the suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:26 pm |
  49. Peter, Tarrytown, N.Y.

    Alimony

    March 11, 2010 at 5:27 pm |
  50. Steve Batts Edna Kansas

    Women get the elevator while the men get the shaft. From a home paid for to a one room flat, while she reaps the benefits. After two working on 3 spread over 34 years I am more homicidal than suicidal. But we never learn.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:28 pm |
  51. Denny from Tacoma, WA

    It may very well be the fact that the divorced husband tends to lose more. such as the house, car and custody of the kids. Then there is the additional anchor of child support, which may not be easy during our current economic recession.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:32 pm |
  52. Mark

    Could it be that we not only lose our wife, but the courts routinely hand over our children, our house and half our paychecks to the wives? Why would that make anyone suicidal?

    Mark
    Oklahoma City

    March 11, 2010 at 5:42 pm |
  53. roger

    After so long a time of putting up with misery, they can't handle the sudden elation that result from a declaration of emancipation.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:42 pm |
  54. Ed from MD

    Maybe because of the inequity of divorce settlements. A man loses his house, gets his pay garnished and may even lose his dog. A woman gets more closet space and some extra spending cash Go figure..

    March 11, 2010 at 5:50 pm |
  55. Michael Alexandria, VA

    Because men have maternal issues with their wives.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:53 pm |
  56. Maria

    Interesting question. Right now my son is getting divorced and he's devastated. He mentioned lately that killing himself would be easier that going through the loss of a best friend, a lover, a supporter, someone you trusted to have your back. Then there's the financial costs, et al.

    I took his remark very seriously. He's seeing a counselor, but he needs to be vocal w/his friends and ask for their support as well.

    Maria

    Brunswick,MD

    March 11, 2010 at 5:55 pm |
  57. Harold, in ANCHORAGE, AK

    Alimoney, Jack.
    "She gets the gold mine, he gets the shaft."

    March 11, 2010 at 5:56 pm |
  58. Lori - PA

    Jack,

    That's just sad. Maybe it's because men can't handle the failure of their marriage.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:56 pm |
  59. Rich McKinney, Texas

    Wow Jack I would have never thought that to be the case at all. Hell when I got divorced I was thrilled to death not depressed. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and that life was worth living again. The 5 married years prior to my divorce now that was when I felt like killing myself.

    March 11, 2010 at 5:57 pm |
  60. Diane Dagenais Turbide

    How about because by nature while we are busy at one task we are always thinking of the future and how our task might impact this future! When you always think of the future it means you will still be there!

    March 11, 2010 at 5:59 pm |
  61. Dan, Chantilly VA

    That's easy Jack, it's because of the gender gap in the court system with regards to divorce laws. The woman ends up with the house, the money, and the kids. Add on top of that the fact that two-thirds of divorces are filed by women and it's easy to see why men get a bit more depressed.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:00 pm |
  62. Will

    Men are taught to bottle their emotions; women are taught to let it out and get help. Bottling things up takes a toll on a person.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:06 pm |
  63. Homeless D in Atlanta

    Maybe it is because many women who are divorced are so relieved at not having to take care of some 'little boy' that they are actually happier.

    Conversely, the men have lost their 'mommie'. And they no longer have some woman to cater to their every whim and on whom to take out all their problems.

    Frankly, I doubt even therapists would put up with men if they weren't getting paid for it.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:07 pm |
  64. Ken

    We still have a culture where men are expected to be tough and not show emotions. So they hold them in eating away from the inside. This same culture allows or expects women to be more emotional. So they can release their pain, anger, and such more readily then men.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:08 pm |
  65. Kyle, Irvine, CA

    I knew someone who took his life because his wife found out about his affair with another woman and divorced him and the alimony payments and guilt were to much to bear for him. That's one reason.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:24 pm |
  66. John

    Q: Why are divorced men more depressed than divorced women?

    A: Ever met a woman who emerged from a divorce poorer than she went into it?

    March 11, 2010 at 6:27 pm |
  67. william john

    Equal protection does not apply to divorce. Women still get the gold mine, men get the shaft.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:29 pm |
  68. albert miller

    This shows the most obvious thing.....men are much more emotional, love more deeply than women. Many men die within 5 yrs of their wife's death; women die 30 yrs after their husbands.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:29 pm |
  69. West Valley Dave

    No. We aren't. Unless the divorced man is extremely lacking in self confidence and self esteem. Which I, at least, am not.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm |
  70. Joe from Brigantine, NJ

    There is far too little data upon which to make a conclusion. What are the data by age group, by reason (e.g. wife cleaned hubby out of home, children etc vs an amicable divorce). Women generally exit a divorce in far better shape financially to entertain suicide. Too little data to reach a conclusion for a very complex issue, jokes aside.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:34 pm |
  71. Nichole DeVries

    Because we take care of them!! After the figure out that the twenty year old they left for isnt sticking around, things look pretty glim!

    March 11, 2010 at 6:35 pm |
  72. peter blake

    it is simple men are punish and treated unfairly by the system ,it is men who gets the short end of the stick ,even when they did better in the house than the women ,sure thats depressing

    March 11, 2010 at 6:36 pm |
  73. Jacki Schklar

    Marriage often perpetuates a dynamic where women become the support system for the men. Especially in more traditional marriages and in couples who marry young. Women gain freedom and some of their identity back from divorce, men often lose their maid/cheerleader/mommy.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:43 pm |
  74. Duncan McGinnis

    Divorce sucks, even when you know it's actually a good thing it causes tremendous depression

    March 11, 2010 at 6:44 pm |
  75. Sue From Idaho

    They can't stand rejection. After the divorce they find it harder to pick up the pieces, remember Oscar in the odd couple?

    March 11, 2010 at 6:45 pm |
  76. Sue, Gary, ID.

    Because they do not see the signs that the relationship was coming to many months or years before, and that many times their wives were trying to tell them that something was wrong, and they just could not see it, they did not do the things that help a relationship grow. Now that the woman has given up they are totally surprised at it's end, They snoozed so now they lose, now they fell totally lost and have been cast away, their foundation is gone so they have nothing left to hold on to!

    March 11, 2010 at 6:45 pm |
  77. Matt (Bayonne, NJ)

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    I can give a few reasons why divorce makes men more suicidal than women both during and after a divorce. The first reason is the sense of failure that a man feels. Most men hold their feelings in and try to deal with them internally. Some men contemplate suicide as a means of releasing the pain since they don't have the proper skills to deal with it alone. Men are taught to be strong and divorce can make a man feel very weak.

    Another aspect and less talked about area is child custody. Imagine being able to put your child to bed, bring them to school, go to the park, or do a variety of activities with them on a daily basis. Then imagine being told that your ex is moving out of state with your child or that you will only be able to see them 2 or 4 days a month. The loss can be too much too handle. Throw in your child screaming for you over the phone or holding on to you after visitation is over and you create a sense that you are constantly dealing with something like death every time you see them.

    I think a lot of work needs to be done about giving dads equal access to their children. Much has changed since women started taking on careers. It's time for the courts to see that moms and dads both work now and each are fully capable of caring for the children.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:48 pm |
  78. David

    being through a divorce myself with my ex-wife and child moving out of state, i think for a man he can become depressed with the knowledge that his family has fallen apart, and perhaps he has guilt that he could not keep his family together. The other aspect that can cause a man depression is that he feels empty inside about no longer living with his child or children, and that he will miss their childhood. I think this is alleviated when the child has moved closeby and the man can be in his life a good amount of time, but there is still that "broken" feeling a man can experience with his family not being "intact" anymore. Hope this helps.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:49 pm |
  79. Willow, Iowa

    I think its because men feel the need to have someone around, taking care of them. Women, when nobody is around, relax because they don't need to take care of someone. Men need a nurse. Women don't. Men who are widowed go right out and start looking for the next one. Women aren't as likely to do so. In other words, men need someone to take care of them. After women grieve and get through being a widow, they realize they are on vacation without someone that needs them.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:49 pm |
  80. Brian R. Titus

    Men who are divorced by their wife usually don't get equal time with their children. This happens most times to good dads. Add the burden of excessive child support for up to 18 years then why go on? This is why an average of 400 men a month commit suicide in the U.S. and 450 in the U.K.. I blame mother friendly judges and lawyers raking in the money. It's all about the money not the child/children.

    Brian R. Titus Worland, WY

    March 11, 2010 at 6:50 pm |
  81. Doris Lauter

    Men rely on women to cook, clean, pay bills, wash their clothes, iron, etc. When that is taken away, they are lost as to what to do. Losing the spouse is traumatic enough, but to not know how to cook and do the things the wife has done, they are more inclined to think of ending it all. It is a fact that widows live much longer without a spouse.
    Doris
    Ojai, California

    March 11, 2010 at 6:50 pm |
  82. Scott

    I think it should be pretty obvious why this is the case. For most men, divorce means that they lose half of all their possessions, quite possibly lose access to their kids either entirely or in the way that they are used to, and may also have to pay alimony. The man essentially gets punished and the woman makes off like a bandit.

    In a lop-sided situation( so much for sexual equality, huh? )such as this I would think the answer to be obvious.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:51 pm |
  83. Casey | Ruth, CA.

    Jack, my cynical answer is that women are generally now doing it all – from earning income to doing the dishes – losing a husband doesn't affect that, whereas for men, it suddenly puts them in charge of dirty laundry, making their own meals, cleaning their own house and/or cooking for themselves.

    THAT'S a big change.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:51 pm |
  84. Laura

    For all the reasons you listed, and traditionally, women connect men to their larger social network through marriage (women are naturally more social). The more social you are, the happier you are, when the man loses that network, he's likely to fall into a depression.
    Laura
    Hollister, CA

    March 11, 2010 at 6:51 pm |
  85. Rich Jones from Reno, Nevada

    The fact that for quite a few men divorce results in financial ruin, social ostracism, and loss of all contact with their children would make the “why?” of this fairly obvious.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:52 pm |
  86. Leslie

    I think it's because men don't know how to handle strong emotions such as rejection.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:54 pm |
  87. Michael Roepke - Dallas, TX

    Men look at not having a wife as a problem. Women look at it as an opportunity.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:54 pm |
  88. Justin H

    I never became suicidal following my divorce, but I was treated for depression. I think the largest part of it for me was being pushed out of my kid's lives when my ex-wife remarried and relocated. I also had a very difficult time getting back into the "dating game" after having been married.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:57 pm |
  89. George J. Yardley

    Why does divorce make men more suicidal than women?
    Because men are generally concidered the bread-winners and they have a vested interest in making sure their name gets carried on with their stamp on it. Men can feel like they have failed and take the blame for the divorce, even if it wasn't their fault.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:57 pm |
  90. tom

    Because men bond more deeply than women and when the woman leaves the man feels cut in half and bleeding.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:57 pm |
  91. Jim S

    I completely agree with that. Women use the kids' need for "consistency and a stable environment" and our inherent love and guilt as collateral in the divorce proceedings. If we punish her, we punish the kids, and what Dad wants to do that...so we leave everything and keep paying the bills. It's hard enough qualifying for one mortgage, so we're stuck with debt, a used car and 20 somethings for neighbors in "Park Place Apartments" on the corner of Broke St and Alcoholic Avenue. Who wouldn't want to kill themselves? Of course then she gets the life insurance money...

    March 11, 2010 at 6:58 pm |
  92. Barry Guilliams

    Divorced men are more suicidal than divorced women because men depend primarily on their wives exclusively as social, emotional partners. Men's friendships are based on tasks and activities whereas women typically have many social relationships within which they create emotional bonds. When divorced, women can look to their friends for emotional support whereas men won't look to other men for emotional support.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:58 pm |
  93. Ryan Jakubczak

    I think the same reason that women are less likely to commit suicide is the same reason for the increase in divorced men – children. Usually it is the wife that files for divorce and forces the husband out of the home and away from the family stability. Divorce creates chaos in society and takes a negative toll on many facets of life.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:58 pm |
  94. Paul Geller

    Most women have stronger care giving instinct then men. During the married life it's normal for the wife to provide emotional support with attention to whole family.

    The man normally would be concerned about income, fixing things around the house, meaning more practical living aspects related to the family than emotional ones.

    Without the emotional support from a wife many men feel left out, not to mention the implied sense of failure of having the marriage ending. That may lead to depression and suicide.

    Women often share more their emotional issues then men, being with friends or family. So a lot of the bad sentiments during the marriage will hit the husbands hard after the divorce.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:58 pm |
  95. Hemancipation

    Men can lose their home, their money, their children and their social support during a divorce. With all those losses compiled into a short span of time the results are devastating.
    Women have lots of resources to help them thru divorce, men are usually left to fend for themselves and no matter how atrocious the women might have been she will generally be seen as the victim in divorce.
    In light of these facts suicide is not a surprise.
    Thank you for bring this subject to the public's attention.
    Michelle, Los Angeles, CA.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:59 pm |
  96. Guest

    Myabe because it's usually the man that gets screwed out of everything(1/2) that he has worked for up until that point. In most cases the women get the kids and the man pays child support and is put in a position where he can barely afford to make it on his own.

    March 11, 2010 at 6:59 pm |
  97. Tom

    I believe in a divorce the male usually loses much more such as your house. That happened in my case. That really hurts. I paid for the house and now I have none. Your life is torn apart. Almost like being exiled.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
  98. Magda Darling

    I recently divoriced my husband of 11 years. He was no longer the "husband" for me, but he is one hell of a dad. As women we need to put the needs of the children over what ever we may be feeling about our "ex". It is such a good thing for both the men & the children to remain connected. We as mothers need to help & encourage them to remain close and connected. Unless a man is abusive, never keep the children away from him. Even if he owes back child support: even if he cheated on you: even if he has a new girlfriend. I know it is hard, but our beautiful children will thank us for it. This is called being the "better person". So do this for your children.....do this for YOU!

    March 11, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
  99. Mark

    It's the loss of an entire way of life, combined with the loneliness of not living in a family any longer. She gets the kids, I'm only a visitor.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
  100. Kerry

    I think men are more apt to compartmentalize their feelings and keep to themselves, where women will typically air grievances or concerns to close family or friends. The amount of emotion that comes with any breakup, married or otherwise, can be extremely overwhelming and I think men have been conditioned to 'suck it up'. Unfortunately, despite social advances, men are still governed by the 'macho' stigma that will probably plague them forever, causing them to try and sort out emotions ill-equipped. Orlando, FL

    March 11, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
  101. Mark

    As a man currently going through a difficult divorce, I would have to say its the combination of indignity and financial pressure. My estranged wife, who cheated on me, ruined the family finances, threatened me, and then abandonded me, makes it hard to believe that I would ever be happy with a woman again. The financial pressure is ruinous and divorce law is stacked in favor of the woman in almost every case. It is a terrible system for most men to endure. I can fully understand why some men, tragically, end their lives. It's been so bad that my first wife is coming to my defense and going out of her way to support me emotionially.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:02 pm |
  102. Sara

    Women have a civilizing influence on men. Without that influence a man is more likely to become antisocial and fall into self-destructive behaviors. Also, after divorce there are strong emotions on both sides. Women are socially conditioned to recognize their emotions and work through them. Men are socially conditioned to equate emotions with weakness, are less likely work through the emotions, less likely to get therapy & treatment for depression. Also, after a divorce the children tend to stay with the mother, and the courts usually award her the family home. The father may feel he has lost his whole world – not only his wife but his house and children. So what else does he have to live for?

    March 11, 2010 at 7:04 pm |
  103. flogger

    It is much easier for divorced women to find available guys and restart than vice versa.

    In general divorced men are seen as social pariahs by women and generally regarded as failures by society. They are typically shunned by former friends, especially married ones as being a bad influence. Many are troubled by alcohol abuse and the trauma of relocation.

    Conversely women are generally regarded as victims and consequently provided more support by family, friends and potential suitors. They typically reside in the same home and see less direct disruption to their established routine.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm |
  104. Doug Grosjean

    My educated guess is that divorced men are more suicidal than divorced women due to family court, and the unrealistic demands placed on divorced men there, and the biased treatment (in favor of the women).

    March 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm |
  105. Pritpal Marwaha

    Well, men tend to commit suicide more often because men, mostly, tend to think about themselves. No offence against men, but that is true. Women think about others before themselves, and tend to take care of their children and family. This is no rocket science!

    March 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm |
  106. Thomas

    I had an older brother between the booze and bad marriages
    he committed suicide back during the middle 1970's. His
    second wife tried to hold him together but it never worked
    very well.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:07 pm |
  107. Robyn Woods

    I believe men often lose perspective of how precious their wives are. Some men tend to treat their wives as though they are invisible. They mistake being comfortable for boredom. They no longer see the beauty, the sexiness right in front of their eyes. Instead they get excited by the females they encounter at the office. If a lady smiles or flirts with them they get stupid. They push the wife to the back of their mind and often a divorce is the result. Sadly, once divorced, they realize just how special the relationship they've thrown away truly was. I think regret hits them like a ton of bricks and when they realize they cannot unring the bell, they become fatally depressed.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:08 pm |
  108. NoOne

    Might also be because men tend to get raked over the coals financially after a divorce...some might see suicide as a better option than forfeiting nearly everything they've ever earned.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:10 pm |
  109. Kahonu from Kihei Hawai`i

    Easy... Men tend to lose more than women in the process.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:11 pm |
  110. journey1

    I would have thought it would be the married men!

    March 11, 2010 at 7:11 pm |
  111. Joe

    In order precedence...
    – Loss of daily contact with children...
    – Feelings of disillusionment... the one person you trusted implicitly, you find you can no longer trust and although you try not to project these feelings on others, it does happen
    – Long time friends no longer want to associate with you, or lose contact due to lack of common family interests...
    – Loss of joint income in addition to 30% (for me) less income for child support for 3 children leads to significantly different lifestyle...
    – Too much time on your own to think about what you/she did wrong

    Ft. Worth, Texas

    March 11, 2010 at 7:13 pm |
  112. DRK

    It's an interesting discussion. I am a divorced man w/ 2 small children. I have found that when I do not have my children and I am on my own for a couple nights that I look for activities that keep me occupied and I have also found that my frequency visiting bars has also increased since the divorce was final. I do have feelings of lonliness but not depression since the majority of my guy friends are married so I try not to be intrusive to their lives as they are busy w/ their families. I have found that by taking up sports such as golf which is very time consuming and challenging has helped me focus my energy and gives my something to look forward too.
    Being male we have a strong sense of duty and a divorce makes you feel like such a failure so I can see how others would take it very hard.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:14 pm |
  113. Patrick Conway

    Jack, this resonates in som many ways. Divorce wreaks havoc in so many ways but certainly disproportionately on men. I would love to see someone like yourself take advocacy for the divorced man and the incredible inequities that he must absorb. There is just no voice for this sadly forgotten , all so forced to silence majority. Thanks.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:15 pm |
  114. Rob

    As I can unfortunately speak from experience, the reason why men might be more prone to suicide after divorce might be because women are able to get into a relationship easier, and therefore men face the grim prospect of not having a family of their own in the future.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:17 pm |
  115. Giovanni.dmilano

    Once divorced, the thought of remarriage makes suicide seem a much better alternative to most of us...

    March 11, 2010 at 7:19 pm |
  116. Charlotte

    The statistics are clear. Married men live longer than unmarried men. Conversely, the statistics show that unmarried women live longer than married women. It isn't rocket science to figure out why!

    March 11, 2010 at 7:20 pm |
  117. Charlie

    One reason could be the man usually takes it in the wallet. A self made hard working man who's wife had her own job and used her money the way she wanted, and the man supported the family and bought the home, cars, groceries, clothing and even gave money to the wife because she spent hers. When the divorce comes, she gets all the worldly possessions and alimony on top of it. The man see's this as nonsense. The kicker to the suicide stat is what happened that created the divorce. I find it hard to visualize my wife with someone else. Is there any connection to the mans suicide based on "what" the divorce was based on?

    March 11, 2010 at 7:21 pm |
  118. greg lancaster,tx

    Because the courts always give the childrento the woman and take half of the father's take home pay and give that tothe woman too. If you are rich you can still live well losing half your income. If you are middle class you are stuck for twenty years struggling while a woman takes your money and turns your kids against you. Courts never hold them accountable.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:21 pm |
  119. Scott Combs

    Jack, there are two reasons for this. Those reasons are alimony and child support.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:21 pm |
  120. Don Nelson

    Don't5 know Jack. All I know is be true to yourself. No one is worth dieing for , even yourself.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:22 pm |
  121. Jasmine in Germany

    Women are able to withstand pain (physical or emotional) better than men, Jack, and there are enough studies which show that. Women are better able to cope with pain and better at not having pain control their lives. Some experts suggest the difference may be based on sex hormones. I think it's innate, can you imagine a man going through childbirth? Why, he's jump out the window after the first contractions! I suspect that men see divorce as a "failure" and that male ego and "foolish pride" play a role, whereas women see the marriage as a "mistake" and divorce as an opportunity to start anew.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:23 pm |
  122. Holly

    I would be interested to see this data tracked against who asks for a divorce. Could it also be that women are asking for a divorce more often then men and that this is part of the reason.

    Divorce is a horrible process for everyone, but even more devastating if you are the one who is dumped.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:23 pm |
  123. Gary - Woodhaven, Michigan

    Men are taught to stuff emotions and feelings, women understand the need to express emotion and are better able to deal with feelings.

    Men are also more emotionally enmeshed, relying on their wives or others feelings to tell them how to feel. Therefore, if the wife feels the need to discard the husband, then the husband will often feel the same way, worthless.

    It's O.K. to cry Jack.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:23 pm |
  124. Zach

    I am a college student, who while not married was left by a girl I'd known and dated for many years. I can easily identify with this article. I think men, while communicating less, rely very much on their spouses and significant others. They tend to form their lives around them, and when that identification is gone, they can easily care very little for themselves. It is good that in this day and age, we as men can address this issue openly.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:24 pm |
  125. David

    In my opinion, yes men are more likely to be suicidal than women. In recent years, I've noticed an increasing trend of women leaving men for other companionship. Without considering gender, this can leave a person extremely depressed or with low self-esteem. Women tend to reach out and support other women which can ease the difficult separation. Some men have a hard time expressing themselves to others and may turn to substances to ease the pain. I'd be interested in what the statistic show when infedility is not involved.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:24 pm |
  126. jose head

    Probably because the system is so stacked against them, they have no hope. The courts give the ex wives the kids and don't allow the fathers to see them. Then they still have to pay support. The courts give the exwives alimony, notwithstanding the fact they did nothing to deserve it, and the ex husbands still have to pay, for all eternity.

    Maybe if alimony and custody were not automatic, you could instill some hope..I'm just happy i could afford to put my ex in her place during our divorce. Now the kids realize she's a whack job. Hopefully she will do us all a favor and get out of our lives. But If I didn't have the money, the system would have automatically granted her what she "deserves" which would have been in her interest only. And I spent a lot more in legal fees than what the child support and alimony would have cost if i had just gone for the status quo and given up.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:24 pm |
  127. Todd

    Because women usually have a network of friends, co-workers and family they open up to and talk with – men usually don't have others they are willing to share the pain with, or they just choose to keep it all inside.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:25 pm |
  128. Ron

    One factor that was left out in this description is that divorce laws typically favor the woman, and therefore men are more likely to be devastated financially than women. Having to pay an ex-wife every month - especially if you're divorced because of her infidelity - would be depressing for any guy. While suicide is extreme, I can see why financial difficulty can be a factor.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:25 pm |
  129. James

    I've heard it said that hell is the absence of those you love most. After 19 years of being married to a genuinely good person whom I married for all the right reasons, I can't imagine a divorce that would be anything but destructive to both of us. She is my best friend. We're both reasonable people and I'm sure we would each survive a break up, but not without deep, permanent scars.

    What I find impossible to imagine is doing anything that would pull the rug out from under our 12-year-old son. Divorce can leave a permanent hole in a child's soul. I know this because I am a child of divorce. In my son's case, he also suffers from multiple disabilities. He needs the two people who brought him into the world to love him and cooperate fully to make certain his needs are met. If I did something to cause harm to my son or something to separate myself from my son–such as deciding to quit my marriage–I would loathe myself to the very core of my being. I would truly be in hell.

    It's a lonely world. Ultimately, all we have are the people we love and the people who love us. I have no difficulty understanding why a man would hit rock bottom after the collapse of his family. Suicide is not the answer.

    James
    Ames, Iowa

    March 11, 2010 at 7:26 pm |
  130. Johnny from South Carolina

    I think that the family court system is set up for men to screwed financially. So men get depressed to the point that they feel they have no other choice.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:26 pm |
  131. Brother John of Dallas

    One aspect that should be brought up in this conversation perhaps is that by default, divorce laws and judgments favor the woman over the man. Although some would argue that the legal system has tried to address this, there is still a bias against men. I don't condone or recommend suicide as a way out, but the causes that lead to depression, anxiety, stress, etc., can certainly push some men over the edge.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:26 pm |
  132. John Avery

    Isn't the answer obvious? Women are hard-wired to make use of a man for a certain duration during child rearing. Once that period has past, men are no longer "needed," as long as other suitors are available. The emotional attachment of the woman is temporary, while the men's emotional needs can linger for a lifetime.

    I have lost two friends from suicide, one after the infidelity of his wife and the other from the rejection of his girlfriend. Men may unfaithfully roam, looking for conquests, but the attraction they form for their first love stays true forever.

    John Avery
    Los Angeles, CA

    March 11, 2010 at 7:27 pm |
  133. Dave in Kansas

    Divorce can be expensive , what with alimony,child support(which should be 50/50) and paying for a 2nd home. Some guys can handle it and some guys can't. The women just collect the benitits.The reason my divorce was so expensive , it was worth it.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
  134. Jeremy from Pennsylvania

    I believe it is the ability of women to use introspective skills and find the strength and power within them to overcome the difficulties of a divorce that makes them less likely to commit suicide as opposed to men. As a whole, men are not nearly as in-tune with their feelings and instead suppress pain and hurt out of fear of judgment by those around them. Societal norms see men as physically, mentally and emotionally strong, where any break in the norm appears undesirable. Rather than recognize, accept and deal with the pain and disappointment, I believe that men instead revert to more dangerous physical actions against themselves to relieve their heartache.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
  135. Oleg

    Oleg from Foster City, CA

    Of course divorced men are more likely to commit suicide. Women are more likely to initiate divorce then men and more likely to keep children, house, disposable income in the form of alimony and child support and sympathy from society. That even the cause of divorce is woman's unprovoked affair. It's unconscionable that we permit such blatant sex discrimination in otherwise equal opportunity society.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
  136. Cathleen G

    Some of my girlfriends and I were talking about this the other day. Women tend to be the social network of the family. We tend to make the plans with other families and friends and we rely heavily on each other for support on a daily basis. Men tend to shy away from asking for help fearing it will look like failure in many situations. I think the bonds women tend to keep with family and more specifically, sisters, mothers and girlfriends are a huge boost to the happiness in our lives. Possibly it's those close relationships that help curb loneliness and depression.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:29 pm |
  137. Mimi Kraus

    Women have more relationships and are embedded in more supportive networks...

    Women have many more roles, and with each role comes meaning and connection ...

    Women have more familiarity with and comfort with their inner emotional lives, which gives them more resilience...

    March 11, 2010 at 7:30 pm |
  138. Ron

    Because men have traditionally been the breadwinners, they find they have no rights and are helpless once they get into the "mediation" process from a long term marriage. In my case, after dissolving a 23 year marriage I was left with the choice of either paying lifetime alimony or losing every penny I'd worked for in an 'alimony buyout'. I had some big dreams of going back to school and changing to a less stressful career and found I was not allowed to defend myself. It was a financial rape and no one wants to talk about it, everyone looks the other way. There is no moral outrage from the news media and no one cares to hear your screams. It was depressing and I was suicidal. Its the feeling of helplessness and utter callousness on the part of your former spouse feeling no remorse for picking you clean. The laws in this country need to change, they are blatantly unfair.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:30 pm |
  139. Wayne

    Simple, all too often, here in Canada anyway, the female gets custody of the children, the house, the contents, the vehicles, or at least the better of the two or more thay may own.

    The male, has an apartment, a job, a support order, and an order for visitation, which rarely allows the father to see his children very often. The female often cries abuse, which generally forms the basis for the disposition of the children, matrimonial home, and possessions. While the males cries of abuse are ignored.

    There exists very little in the way of supports services for males. Yet the female has a range of options in the form of support networks, providing housing, food, clothing, legal and moral support. The man has his buddies, who well....

    And generally we all to often hear many stories about how bad men are, and that generally the women and children are the victims.

    Equality... BS! There is no equality.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:31 pm |
  140. Joe

    Speaking in general terms, I think there are two main factors as to why I think divorced men are more suicidal than divorced women. First, married men are accustomed to being head of a household and when that is dissolved they tend to feel like a failure. Similiar to being laid off from a job. This is also tied to the obligations that society puts on men as far as being the bread winner and all the responsibilities that come with this status. Secondly, men tend to need the moral support of a wife, or woman in general. To tell us we are doing good and are worthy. This is why men tend to marry quicker then women after a divorce, going from one life preserver to another as soon as possible. We do stay up at nights worrying about same thing women worry, maintaining our status, only we do it differently. Every man knows that all men worry about the same thing. We just do not admit to it. My best friend, who's wife filed for a divorced after 27 years of marriage is about to finalized their divorced. I see his confidence lacking and his stress has changed his demeanor.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:32 pm |
  141. ray jones

    I think the reason is because many times the man may not want or be expecting a divorce and is caught off guard when it happens. He ends up going thru the process knowing that in many cases he will be seeing his children less, if there are any, and he becomes a second parent in some circumstances and may be paying out alot of child support and only seeing his children part time or what time is awarded by the court system.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:33 pm |
  142. gerry luimes

    No doubt, a case could be made admitting a certain vurnerabilty for men who generally often rely on physical support from their wives. When left alone many are less equipped to take care of themselves, thereby gradually falling in depression,some times serious enough to seek the only way out-suicide.
    gerry , edmonton,can..

    March 11, 2010 at 7:35 pm |
  143. M. McGowan

    Those statistics do not surprise me in the least. As you point out, women generally end up with the kids-so they have an "in your face" reason for longevity. But look at it from the other side of the coin. Men usually don't have that "crutch" and that can be devastating. Add to that the fact that between Alimony and Child Support (with little immediate and positive reinforcement) men generally get the short end of the stick. They struggle, while the ex and the kids thrive, relatively speaking. Most divorced Dads I know are at a distinct emotional, familial and financial disadvantage. Some become very depressed, and that's easy to do.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm |
  144. cel

    Damn, I would think it would be MARRIED men who were suicidal........LOL

    March 11, 2010 at 7:38 pm |
  145. jimmy

    A relatively large part of a man's identity is associated with his significant other. For a woman, this projection happens with her children moreso than her significant other.

    This is basic psychology...(the kind that science eschews these days because men and women aren't supposed to be different)

    March 11, 2010 at 7:38 pm |
  146. David

    This article is very timely and it's ironic that I am reading it now. Currently going thru a bitter divorce and completely relate to this.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:38 pm |
  147. Betty Bruner

    Man I divorced almost thirty years ago didn't pay child support, didn't spend time with his daughter. Now he's much older, lonely, sickly and has the nerve to want me back in his life...he'll take his daughter if he has to, if I'm part of the package! He's just old, sick and wants someone to take care of him! Don't feel sorry for him one bit. Where was he in his daughter's formative years?

    March 11, 2010 at 7:39 pm |
  148. Peter

    When many men see what they have to pay in child support, yes they probably do consider commiting hari kiri. Well, why get married in the first place? Marriage is an institution and therefore a lucrative buisness for women...

    March 11, 2010 at 7:40 pm |
  149. Alientech

    Maybe because the legal system views men in less positive way in divorce cases. In many states, it's very easy for women to claim abuse and be granted protective orders that immediately throw the men practically on the street while their cases makes their way thru courts. Even after the divorce, men have to pay child support, health insurance for the children, alimony etc. while being left with only limited access to their children.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:40 pm |
  150. Terry Gnsbg,IN "Hoosier Hillbilly"

    The philosophy of you can't live with'm & you can't live without'm has taken on a new meaning; I thought I needed them, but I don't so what the hell! I'm wore out & tired of it all! Kiss my * world!
    sociologist say a lot of things, do you think they know what their talking about Jack?
    Study of human behavior is not a sience-it's a guess! That's all!

    March 11, 2010 at 7:41 pm |
  151. Echo

    its often infidelity on the man's part that leads to divorce. the fire for the new partner burns out quickly and they are left with no emotional support system. men then have to face their families and no one is sympathetic if an affair is to blame. it happens to women too but they have other emotional support systems in place. the lack of additional emotional support systems may also contribute to murder/suicide crimes against women. men need to own up to their poor behavior, do some apologizing and then find a way forward with a new identity and support systems

    March 11, 2010 at 7:42 pm |
  152. Divorcer

    That is because, after a divorce, the Women have a MUCH easier time falling back into a routine, finding another mate, and working on THEIR happily ever after, while also usually taking most of what they couple had, whether it be money, kids, or possesions. Where as men have to deal with building their lives again from the ground up, replacing furniture while paying child support and alimoney, having a harder time finding a companion, and losing everything they had from before. Statistically women make off better, as far as posseesions, finances, custody, and what have you, then men. Making their lives much esier to tolerate, while the Man has to start over.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:42 pm |
  153. Andrey

    I think the explanation is much simpler than that. The reality of the American family law is that men get taken to the cleaners in the vast majority of divorces where the man earns more at the time of the divorce or when kids are involved.

    Just about anyone would feel rather depressed if their after-tax income gets cut in half by a child support order while the ex-wife lives with her parents, has no real expenses to speak of, and fritters away the support money on trips to vegas and personal trainers. By the way, if you can't pay up because you lost your job, you're going to jail while the interest and penalties pile up. Oh, and don't expect the state to give you so much as a driver's license once you get out, let alone anything else.

    Is it any surprise that such circumstances will push a certain percentage of men over the edge?

    March 11, 2010 at 7:43 pm |
  154. wayne

    Hello, from Albany NY

    I think men take failure of a marriage more personally than women. Men look back and see what they should have done better and feel they might be more of a reason for the spouse's feelings and behaviour. thanks.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:43 pm |
  155. Mark

    It's hard. I was given two trash bags filled with my clothes and had to leave. I don't see my kids enough and now they have grown up. Not much has changed for them, but I had to start over.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:43 pm |
  156. hjs3

    Ah c'mon Jack I haven't missed a tee time in nine years so you let me know how that stacks up "statistically" to those poor tortured souls
    pulling the plow and consistently guilted about even hitting the occasional mid-week bucket of balls.

    Making yourself happy is in inside job!

    Hell, they'll be considering "catching the bus" long before me.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:43 pm |
  157. Paul McLinn Vancouver, WA

    Our legal system has created an uphill battle for men when it comes to divorce. The emotion of parting ways after realizing a failed marriage is nothing in comparison to the malicious reception that awaits when the legal system gets involved. The system can strip a man financially, leaving him on the street, wages garnished, unable to pay for legal assistance, with little to no hope of being able to see his children...it's a demoralizing system that has little sympahty for the man. Outside of the legal system, there is an expansive network of divorce-support for women; men find their world callapsing in ontop of them with few places to reach for help in a system that is built to work against them from the start. I would never wish divorce on anyone; unlike divorce...death has finality.

    Paul McLinn
    Vancouver, WA

    March 11, 2010 at 7:43 pm |
  158. Guy from Hawaii

    Suicide, sadly, is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've heard it said that suicide is the ultimate form of self-hate...no different than homicide except the victim and perp are one. A woman divorces a man because "he's not the man I thought he was." When a man realizes he's "not the man he thought he was" the ego takes a hard dive. Ultimately it's probably not just the divorce but other factors such as job loss, the diminished role of men in general in terms of being needed for the family unit to survive (I know a lot of single moms who do very well). I think a woman can deal with the fact that she's less like Cinderella and more like one of the step sisters better than a man can deal with the fact that he just is not the prince he thought he was or tried so hard to pretend to be.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:44 pm |
  159. charles messimer

    Maybe they're so happy they shoot themselves. But honestly, any relationship that has crumbled to the point of divorce needs to be happily jettisoned. To do otherwise is simply insanity, which might account for the suicide.

    Santa Cruz, California

    March 11, 2010 at 7:46 pm |
  160. Jim

    That's because the women gets everything and the man is left with nothing! Not a surprising statistic.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm |
  161. Aaron

    Ever been to a custody hearing????? Courts almost always side with mom. So dad doesn't have the kids, pays child support and alimony, and is seen as not loving his kids. Are we really asking this question?

    March 11, 2010 at 7:50 pm |
  162. Michael

    A happily married man values his marriage much more if offspring result than if not, and as a man ages his investment in his spouse increases. A dating or single man who dates many women places lower value on any single relationship because he doesn't have one. But the costs involved in marriages raise the stakes for men. They lose much more tangibly if the marriage fails. While women produce offspring, a man has a higher investment in his offspring via his spouse if there is a marriage, than his spouse does in a man. This is true because a woman can have any man she wants because men are much more easily manipulated by a woman than a woman is by a man. A man does not always have the prerogative to have any mate he wishes for; a woman can turn on charms a man cannot resist, but men have to resort to other assets at times to attract a woman. Men have higher stress with dating and securing a companion than women do, although women are more insecure about them self around other women than around a man. This is why men are more likely to go off the deep end and harm them self or others when their relationships decay.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:51 pm |
  163. Ray

    Perhaps it's because of the feeling that years of their life, not to mention emotional and financial capital, have been wasted on the wrong woman.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:51 pm |
  164. Martha

    It is a known fact that women have always been able to live alone much better than men. Simply put, women are built to survive being alone better because I believe we get less emotional support from men than they get from us.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:53 pm |
  165. Terry Plaxton

    Other than Gross, Serious Mental illness, there are only three elements to suicide:
    1. Things are so miserable as to be intolerable
    2. There doesn't appear to be ANY possibility of
    remedying this situation in a reasonable
    period of time.
    3. Shame from poor finances.

    Now, I have known many divorced couples in my life, have hosted a forum for single parents, and have not yet seen even one male who improved his finances via divorce.

    Most men are less likely to be job-successful if they are unmarried. Even if wife has a career, she is likely to perform a million things like laundery, cooking, shopping, groceries, etc. and that is required if a man is to work 6080 hours a week. Successful mnen pursuing a career must work like that.

    Married men are financially responsible for their children until the kids are 18; a divorced man might be held responsible by a court until they are out of college. Perhaps another hundred thousand dollars a married man may WANT to provide his children, but only if htey behave somewhat as he requests.

    So, you have a sitution where many divorced men have dramatically less income, support and alimony to pay, "VISITATION with children he loves as Mom convinces hte children to think & say hurtful things. (She may not, may work very hard at not using the kids as pawns, but some do, and many divorced dads BELIEVE she does!).

    There is no hope, as the court has ruled and no money left to keep paying the lawyers, so Dad gives up and swallows the gun.

    Terry From Tennessee

    March 11, 2010 at 7:53 pm |
  166. Annie, Atlanta

    Men are emotionally stunted, making them emotionally dependent, though they would never admit it. That’s, sadly, one of the reasons women stay in relationships long past the expiration date. Our nurturing instincts kick in.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:55 pm |
  167. Beverly He

    Divorced men have adapted to a married life and the intimacies that go with marriage. When this is removed from them, whether it is their choosing or their spouses, they experience the emptiness of that bonding. A divorced man suffers a feeling of loss when he comes home to an empty house and finds that he has to cook his own meals and then eat alone. Marriage provided a special "caring" that cannot be found in a "single" relationship. Having experience this bonded relationship. it is hard for some men to revert back to a singular existence.

    I believe women, on the other hand, being domestic by nature, do not suffer the loss as long as men do. They still cook their meals and are more apt to seek out social activities with their women friends, which helps fill the loneliness. A lot of women suffer more from not being needed than needing someone. It should be noted that when the need, by the husband, has been extreme in a marriage, sometimes the woman will feel a sense of relief at not having to fulfill that need anymore and find that they are happier with the singular life.

    March 11, 2010 at 7:58 pm |
  168. W. Martin

    Anecdotally speaking that for many men, the loss of a social support system and the loss of access to their children while trying to maintain two households, often under crippling court ordered child and/or spousal support judgements may play a significant role in this higher suicide rate. Women tend to develop stronger support networks through families and friends while men tend to shoulder emotional burdens alone.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:00 pm |
  169. bob

    Divorce takes everything away from a man, money, family, self esteem. etc. A divorced Father of a daughter is treated like a potential child molester. No sleep overs at your house for your daughter's friends during her w/e visits with you. Despair sets in. You ask yourself in the quiet times by yourself, why not?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:01 pm |
  170. James

    You spend your life working and supporting your wife. Divorce is a decree that you failed to do what males are hard wired to do which is to protect and support his wife. This decree destroys any feelings of self worth which often leads to loss of desire to live.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:01 pm |
  171. Linda

    I think society helps women more since women are always told from a very young age to express their feelings. There is nothing wrong with crying or leaning on someone else for emotional help. On the other hand men in general are told to continuously suck it up, only babies cry, and you can't be much of a man if you need help. I think men can become far more isolated this way because they don't feel they have anyone to lean on and because of this they start feeling totally disconnected with everyone around them.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:03 pm |
  172. Diane

    Women form strong friendships that support them through difficult times. Women can and do talk about everything with each other. Also, women more than men may think about the possibility of their spouse leaving them through divorce or death and are therefore better prepared when it happens. And I think women who see the divorce coming make very specific plans so that they have a life when it happens.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:03 pm |
  173. Victor

    That is because women tend to get over a broken relationship than their male partner

    March 11, 2010 at 8:03 pm |
  174. I Divorced twice

    Read Esther Vilar, women are stuck on themselves. The court always gives them the kids. Alot more of what a guy is has to be changed to be a parent and married. It has to do with what a mans' identity is and cannot be after a divorce. Women don't take the same identity shift to be divorced, they blame the man for the divorce. Socially, the community blames the man for being divorced. Marriage in American society was never a 50/50 deal for men and its alot worse now. Its about success and failure and for the guy he sees himself as a failure at something close to his heart. The way it really is: you watch them when they screw up, it'll happen. Kick them out, buy a divorce kit, file, wait, appear before a judge, done. Pick up, walk out, move on. Generally speaking the feminine role in this society is defective for marriage. You wouldn't marry an obvious sociopath would you? Then why would you marry an American women? American culture is not supportive for men at this time in history. Figure it out. Save yourself. Women have an unlimited supply of batteries.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:04 pm |
  175. Jimbo

    The way it was told to me is that men tend to become more "hard wired" to their spouse and thus in a breakup are more apt to suffer a real, albeit temporary, mental impairment.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:04 pm |
  176. Rjd

    I divorced my wife last year after 30 years of a dead marriage. I tried all a man could try, and was told by counselors, pastors and even by my ex-wife that I was a very good husband and father. Even my two teenagers chose to live with me full time and still do. But, she said she kept her heart and emotions in check, even when I was pouring out my heart and soul into her and the children, and I feel so betrayed. It was so cruel, and I miss my family structure. I don't miss her, and I have forgiven and we have a civil relationship, but I feel like I was completely betrayed and gave the years of youth and strength to someone whose heart was locked away. Why? She has no answer. Someday's the pain of missing my family – not her – is so great I just wish it was over. The kicker is, I am a professional counselor and help other people. I will go on, I will love and remarry I hope, but this was not how life was supposed to be, not when I tried so hard to make it work.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:04 pm |
  177. thedude

    Men feel a sense of low self esteem and also since they are the ones who mostly lose everything in a divorce...

    March 11, 2010 at 8:05 pm |
  178. Jason in San Franciscco

    First off, men are naturally more prone to violence than women – -the whole testosterone vs. estrogen thing. Secondly, men have an instinct to protect and provide for their family. When the wife and kids are gone after a divorce, the man may feel a sense of worthlessness and failure because he couldn't hold his family together. Also, men tend to bear the brunt of the financial hardship during a divorce. If the man is the primary breadwinner and bought a house and car with the wife, often times it's the wife that ends up with the house, car and half of his salary. That's a tough pill to swallow, and it can feel like an impossible hole to climb out of.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:05 pm |
  179. Chris

    I guess it is scientific proof that even after they have left, they can still continue to suck the life out of you.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:07 pm |
  180. Rich Smirkin

    Answer: No-falt divorce

    Divorce makes men suicidal not only because men lose primary custody but also because of the economic ramifications of custody laws.

    In low-income cases, men often lose 55% of their take-home pay in child and spousal spport.

    In high-income cases, alimony represents an economic noose which causes a man to work outrageous hours or accept a major drop in lifestyle – often due to a divorce he did not want, perhaps complicated by his wife's marital affair.

    if someone cheated on you, took 50% of your assets, took 55% of your income into the future, and took your kids from you, is it surprising that suicide might seem an option? Beyond your kids, your family, your home, your money, and your future, what's left in lfie?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:07 pm |
  181. Rob

    I think is due to a number of factors. the first being seperated from your children. (women always get the kids I guess the courts are saying men cant raise children) Second men must pay alimony, support and find a place to live (while women get to live in the family home and collect checks) . Thirdly anything can be said about the parent who doesnt live in the home ie Dad ( men dont tend to fight back about because the ex will make it difficult to see kids) My suggestion to all men is marriage is the worst business deal you could make marry a woman and half of everything is now hers regardless of what she brought to the deal. And the longer she stays the more she will get on the backend. Just say no!!! It's not for us!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:08 pm |
  182. Gary - Woodhaven, Michigan

    Men are taught to stuff emotions and feelings, and often come out in violence. Women understand the need to express emotion and are better able to deal with feelings.

    Men are also more emotionally enmeshed, relying on their wives and others feelings to tell them how to feel. Therefore, if the wife feels the need to discard the husband, then the husband will often feel the same way, worthless.

    It's O.K. to cry Jack.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:08 pm |
  183. Dave

    What a bunch of pop psychologists! I was more likely to commit suicide if I stayed in my marriage🙂 Seriously, divorce may just be a symptom of depression so that the cause-effect relationship is simply working in reverse. In other words, men who are depressed or suicidal are more likely to get divorced...

    March 11, 2010 at 8:09 pm |
  184. Diane

    Oh and one more thing, at least in my generation, females were taught how to run a household so moving to a new place and making it a home is much easier for them.

    San Mateo, CA

    March 11, 2010 at 8:10 pm |
  185. William H.

    Most likely the root of the divorce was some previous stressor, loss of job, financial, infidelity on either souses part. That in itself is a tough thing to endure.

    Although a good freind of mine lost his job, his house, and his wife and lives over his Mother's garage and he says he's never been happier. I've seen him in both situations and I have to agree.

    Go Figure?

    Thanks Jack keep up the great work!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:10 pm |
  186. Zorlot the Great

    I think it depends on how you define suicide. The majority of married men that I have met in my life though alive technically seem dead in other ways.

    They lose interest in life, or growth. They move through life mechanically. No interests, no humor, just methodical plodding.

    They might as well be dead.

    Men were not designed for marriage. It is an unnatural state.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:11 pm |
  187. rick

    Jack ..you are sooooo!!!! wrong!
    I am divorced and could not be happier!!!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:11 pm |
  188. SHAWN FROM KY

    I believe it has much to do with our justice system. Divorce courts have always favored women in their rulings over the house, custody of the kids, child support, and alimony. At one time in our society, this may have worked well since men were the primary bread winners and women needed strong support following divorce. Financially, women are now increasingly becoming less dependent on their husbands but the courts will still take men for every thing they have and will have in the future. When men see their ex-wives living it up with their new fling, living in the house he once did, spending his alimony, raising his children it easily can become more than one can stand.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:12 pm |
  189. Padma

    Men are less vocal/expressive about their feelings to other compared to women who generally talk things out – which in itself is some healer.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:13 pm |
  190. Brad

    The reason divorce makes men more suicidal is because marriage drains us of our will to live. Having the house, kids, and car taken away in the divorce is just the final kick in the crotch.

    Halifax, Nova Scotia

    March 11, 2010 at 8:13 pm |
  191. bret

    Pride. It's that simple.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:13 pm |
  192. Loyalty

    Easy, the woman wants it ALL in the first place!!!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:16 pm |
  193. Charles S

    Simply because women take all the men's money when a divorce occurs. The hard-working man loses all his money and children to his ex-housewife. An important lesson here is do not get married!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm |
  194. Eddie

    I think the number one reason for men being more suicidal after a divorce is child support. No matter how much money you earn, your ex wife takes more and more of your income. It gets extremely depressing, especially when they don't actually use the money on the children.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
  195. Brian

    There's no proof of cause and effect. There's only a correlation. The suicides may have been inevitable, regardless of divorce.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
  196. Mark

    Because it never ends with just a divorce... there is always an Ex involved in your life forever, and sometimes, there is only one way to escape that person.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
  197. Bernadette Loesch

    With 'tongue in cheek' me thinks that men realize that they will soon have to split all of their assets down the middle with their ex's.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
  198. Joe, Austin TX

    We should also examine suicide attempts. Suicide statistics show suicide attempts are more equal between men and women, but the methods chosen make men more likely to succeed at the act.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
  199. Eric O

    Men are more depressed because they have the full burden of paying child support and other expenses – usually with no judicial concern for his living expenses. Men are just seen a walking wallets than as actual parents by the courts.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
  200. Mack K-Hollywood FL

    Of course divorced men are more likely to commit suicide; they didn't support their families in marriage and hate being forced to thru the courts after divorce...oh and losing their 24-hour Mommy & slave is a real blow too. Now they have to manage their own lives for a change.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  201. Austin Oakes

    As a man myself, I tend to Bottle up my emotions and stress and never share. If I ever got divorced then it would destroy my emotions and would make me have tons of stress. I would be filled with all sorts of emotions, including sadness. This sadness and stress are probaley both factores in why many men commit suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  202. Anita Rufus

    Why are men more likely to commit suicide after divorce? Because it's the ultimate (Cheney epxletie deleted). I bet they don't even leave a note so the guilt can continue forever. Women live in the real world, men in a fantasy land that can never be fulfilled. Sad.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  203. Wayne from New Brunswick Canada

    What's so hard to figure out; a man invests the best part of his life and income in a wife and family, loses it all on top of alimony and child support, and you wonder why he is severly depressed? Meanwhile the ex shacks up with a lawyer boyfriend and still collects money and keeps the kids. I just surprised more men don't go psycho with a gun instead of committing suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  204. Rita

    He realized too late he will have to pay for services he had gotten for free

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  205. Padma, San Diego

    Men are less vocal/expressive about their feelings to others compared to women who generally talk things out – which in itself is some healer.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  206. Carol

    Maybe women are prepared to be alone at some point in their lives because they generally outlive men. Divorce may move the timetable up, the "aloneness" is something we've prepared ourselves for, on some level, all our lives. Men may not be as emotionally prepared for being alone.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  207. Bill

    To tell you the truth, I don't know. With all the fish in the sea I would think it's time to go fishing... again.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  208. @FrankfurterFTW

    Women are set free from a bad situation while men have to pay once a month. It hard thing to pay for a house that you don't live in

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  209. Sherry in Canada

    I think men are more likely because they tend to have to pay child support payments that they sometimes feel are unfair and don't want to them.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  210. Hinkasaurus

    While there are probably dozens of reasons, the biggest of them that is uniquely male is because it is failure. From my own experience, this is the hardest thing to accept.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  211. Joseph Kavanaugh

    Jack,
    When my wife left me, I was then able to do back flips from Yuma, AZ to New York. I am now dead. I write this to you from beyond. I did not see the L train comming when I was on my last flip. Have a great nite guys...

    Postal Joe, Rock Hill NY

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  212. Ken Kerwin

    Jack, It's simple, men loose hat, ass & spats in a divorce.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  213. Eddy Ontario

    Jack,
    If you want to avoid suicide, marry a woman who loves you, not a woman you love.

    I did it.

    Thanks.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  214. Larry

    Men are more likely to take their own life because of the big financial burden that is placed on them.. I've seen many times that women be awarded outrageous settlements even when they were the ones being unfaithful and caused the devorce.. Good men are getting crapped on every day because of unsatisfied women!!!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  215. Gord Lawson

    But Jack. I've been divorced 3 times. Each time I did so because I thought I would kill myself or the wife of the time. Not married now and at 62, old enough to enjoy life.

    Gord
    Toronto

    March 11, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  216. Joe

    Because the state takes away their children, their money, and their chance to have a life. Who would really choose to live that way. Add to that all the sympathy the divorced mother gets, and none for the father, and it is easy to see why men commit suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  217. Matt

    It's no secret that the so-called "family" law system not only shortchanges children but discriminates openly and blatantly against men. Let's see women stand to lose absolutely everything in divorce and see how they fare - perhaps an "affirmative action" program that would favor men in divorce, custody & support cases until the "playing field is leveled". Spread the misery around a little more evenly, hm?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  218. george coleman

    george from Crofton, Kentucky
    I was married for 45 years to the same woman and was not happy for the last 20 years. I attempted suicide in order to not seek a divorce. I failed at that attempt and I'm glad now that I did, but not at the time. I think women aren't as logical about the future as men are. We see it for what it is. Women see it as another fantasy that is yet to come. I think women are much smarter about divorce as men. Obviously this is true due to the stats. I think men just give up too easily.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  219. jeff

    i always wanted to be a father .. at least from my early teens.

    When my wife told me that she wanted a divorce, I knew instantly that i might equivalently become no more than a distant grandfather to my children. Tens of thousands of dollars later, I maintained joint custody with a woman who bragged about having weekends free of children. I paid support to her while she was able to take the kids that she decided worthy to Europe with her ... the son did not get to go.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  220. Paul

    Life after a divorce for the men is not the same.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  221. Jake Swenson

    You skipped the obvious answer: Men are financially and emotionally devastated by the courts and the lawyers. The courts become a meat grinder for men, a bureaucratic rape, where they are declared guilty by default, stripped of their parental rights, and then burdened with crippling alimony and child support. The woman and lawyers reap huge benefits as the system is tilted to their benefit at every turn, and the man pays the entire price.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  222. Chetan Ambastha

    the courts unfairly assume the mom always makes a better parent, so the mom usually gets custody of the children, and the father may fall into a state of depression

    March 11, 2010 at 8:21 pm |
  223. Lea

    Men are generally more needy than women. During the marriage they need constant affirmation of their manliness and importantce. While women are left without much support, usually juggling a full time job and caring for the parties' children in addition to tending to the physical and emotional needs of her husband. She is worn to exhaustion. When the parties divorce she finds she has more time for herself and is more free to meet her own needs before thinking about the needs of a husband. It is obvious to to see why suicide is more common with men than women after divorce.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm |
  224. Eary Eubanks

    Easy, Men are more likely to lose everything in a divorce. The women get the kids and the house while the men pay child support and alimony.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm |
  225. Tom Henkel

    This is an easy one Jack. It's because the divorce process devalues men. The antique laws in this country treat us as if divorce is always our fault, we should be punished, children and women are more important than men, women require support, and men should be happy living a slave-like subsistence in order to support two households for decades.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm |
  226. Weldon from Fredericton Canada

    It's very simple Jack. Once you listen to a woman bitching every day of life about everything and all of a sudden you are exposed to a life of serenity, the male body almost goes into a state of shock.

    Thus the increased suicide rate because men cannot stand the shock to their system.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm |
  227. sherif

    cause they regret that they did not do it earlier

    March 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm |
  228. Shash

    Simple for the most part men have a hard time winning parenting rights. And if they do win shared parenting they still pay child support leaving men to live less comfotable life then the women.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm |
  229. jim

    Jack I killed myself after my frist wife divorce me, I couldn't afford to live.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  230. Rahsheem Allie

    most men are the bring home the bacon...lots of women marry under false pretenses, for wealth, money, security, never for love anymore...and when they "fall out of love" and decide to leave probably at a predesignated time they want to take all that the man has earned with them along with breaking our hearts, its enough to take you there..I've been through it with women like that and ain't never even been married, and WON'T marry for that reason!!!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  231. Eric

    Jack, I was intrigued by the part of the story that states that married men are much less likely to drink, smoke, etc. You have obviously never met my wife!!

    Seriously though, I was divorced in 1995 and actually considered suicide. Consideration is far less severe than action, planning etc, but I certainly agree with those stats.

    Eric, in SC

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  232. Isaac Russell

    There have been studies to say that women develop greater social networks amongst friends, which provides them with an outlet for emotional stress and trauma. Men often internalize thier feelings, suprssing them because openly speaking of hurt feelings is not nutured in many male relationships. Women are able to turn to others and be more adept at it, while men often lose the person they turned to in thier wife, basically pulling thier emotional support system out. Also, the loss of a wife can be taken more personal by a man, often taking the divorce as his failure as a man, which does not do well for men in a society that measures him by his accomplishments. Women often operate in less black and white paradigms.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  233. Linda

    In many case a man doesn't come to know himself until he is connected and consistently depended upon. The real question is "how many men commit suicide after the end of a relationship in which they've been true to their family?".

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  234. Bob

    It should be clear, a divorced man has likely gotten the shaft by the courts. He probably has to leave his house, he's placed under a court order with threat of jail to pay an unfair amount of money in woman support masked as child support, and he has to just stand by as his ex-wife starts running men through his house in front of the kids! The divorced man clearly is forced into a corner. This is clearly a result of our current divorce courts that mostly favor females.

    bob

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  235. Terrance L.

    Do you really have to ask? Wow... is everyone so politically correct nowadays that the issues of custody, alimony and the loss of half of all possessions along with the costs of legal fees do not figure into the consideration of why divorced men have a higher suicide rate?
    Typically after all is said and done, all a man has left is the ability to "check out"...

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  236. Amber

    Well it seems to me that men are far less likely to come out of a divorce with the fortune. Men work the entire marriage and due to women making less money than men on the dollar men generally contribute to the majority of the bills. Because of this men are far more likely to be forced to pay child support (if children are involved) and in many cases they are forced to pay alimony and to split all incurred assets during the life of the marriage. If you ask me men get the short end of the stick. I suppose that stress alone could cause this

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  237. Mack K-Hollywood FL

    What universe are the people here who claim courts favor women living in? Maybe 20 yrs ago they did; not anymore. In fact lots of courts are now doing the reverse. My own brother got the house and the kids and even alimony.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  238. David P Vernon

    Tucson, AZ – I wonder whether the study controlled for occupation. Men who are "first reponders" have higher divorce rates by far. Divorced, retired policemen have perhaps one of the hghest suicide rates of any demographic. In any case, "manhood" is a vague proposition, at best, whereas "womanhood" is clearly defined biologically, so a man who loses his sense of "manhood" has also lost his identity. Divorce, unemployment, loss of loved ones, and financial reverses all threaten a man's sense of manhood, a sense which is mainly psychological anyhow. It just shows that men are actually less strong than women in many ways, depite larger size and bigger muscles.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  239. Ed

    I think it might have something to do with the loss of his family. If you look at the percentage of men that lose or have minimal contact with their children after a divorce you may find a connection. Not to mention the number of parents with custody who feed the children bad news about the missing parent.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  240. Chris B

    The late Richard Jeni described marriage like this: "Do I want to be lonely or frustrated?." Loneliness is the reason, Jack.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  241. Francis Caporale

    As a psychologist for 40 years, it has become clear that women have stronger more independent emotional constitutions. Sad but true. Our culture makes women competent and men dependent and immature. Men need to grow up

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  242. Rakesh Malhotra

    Women garner sympathy from children and society leaving men bereft of the support required to withstand the emotional and financial turmoil. The legal system tends to favor women and their conniving ways. Put together the recipe is ripe for combustion.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  243. Keith Owen

    Because when a divorced man finds out that all that laying about-bobbon eatin' his wife was doing was really a lot of shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry doin', kid raisin sock mendin' soccer game drivin' bill payin' work he can't handle by himself he just flat lays dowen and dies.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  244. Keith Moore

    Yes i do beleive men are more suicidal because we depend and are motivated by family. We invest more in family will women only reap the benifits. After a divorce, men need a new direction or purpose. If you are un employed and can not pt your energy into work, depression, fault, failure is whats left. The court always side with the woman as being a victum, never the man. Child custidy, forget it, for some reason, the courts seam to think men love their family and children less then women. Its new times, woman cause more divorce and the courts pay them for it. Kill the attorney's

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  245. keith

    Jack, men are more vulnerable during the divorce process due to the cultural burden to "make the marriage work." Men simply get no simpathy from anyone when their marriage fails. Admit it or not, there is a definite bias against men with regard to who's responsible for the failure. Men end up feeling that the world is against them, so they strike out in this way, perhaps seeing it as an honorable way of bringing closure.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  246. Grant From Columbia, MD

    It doesn't take a scientific study to figure this out. If our Justice system wasn't such an extortion racket favoring women, the suicide rate would be lower. Men are left with nothing after the divorce process...heck if you have a bicycle left after the process your EX will get it.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  247. Darcy

    I believe that men are more suicidal during a marriage break-up because usally there is children involved. The way the justice system goes the woman usally gets custody of the children. This is hard on men that have been there for their children all their lives. I am a male and I managed to get custody of my children which was a blessing. My message to men who do not have custody of their children, fight for your rights to see the children as much as you can. Times have changed, men can be single parents AND DO THE JOB WELL.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  248. Omar

    It's obvious Jack, women get to leave with almost everything the man worked so hard for during a divorce. Arn't the laws unfair. Marriage isn't looking very attractive right now from the single world.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  249. John Tallman

    Having been close to that edge I'd have to say it comes down to losing everthing you have worked so hard for – including your family & kids – and being reduced to nothing but the 'Bank of Dad' or 'Bank of Ex'. Not only do you lose all you used to have now you have to pay for everything that you will never be able to enjoy. Meanwhile no one seems to give a damn how you feel or how you are doing. We're men we're supposed to be strong – it is not always that easy.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:24 pm |
  250. Dave

    Men are conditioned culturally to be totally success oriented. As someone who is in the midst of a divorce I can tell you that to me, it represents failure, rejection and loss of connection with my children. I blame myself also. Women are so much stronger emotionally than men because they are typically more willing to express their feelings and cry than men are. Most men become angry when they are hurt. Right now I feel terrible but I just don't want to talk about it. That anger has to go somewhere and is often turned inwards.. Therein lies the difference.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  251. Cameron

    Jack,

    I believe something to be included in that study is how many of those divorced men were left by their wives and not vice-versa. Although I have never been married I do have personal experience with depression. Personally it came from a feeling of inadiquacy, I could imagine that men being left by their wives would have the same feelings if not even worse. I also, however, believe that the number between men and women of actual fatalities is because men tend to drift to more effective means such as firearms while women tend to use things like narcotics to commit suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  252. Jim Green, TX, www.Inclusivism.org

    Jack...I think we have a yet tobe explored, in depth, "suicide gene" - and we have a percent of our population that is obsessed with "commiting suicide" - given that our mental hospitals will not allow patients to have razors, shoestrings, etc - it is inexplicable why the possiblity of such a gene has not been explored in more depth–and at least a percent of the males referred to are subject to same.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  253. Susie from Hurst, TX

    1 out of 2 marriages fail. Most children of divorce, boys and girls, are raised by their mothers who are able to manage with the emotional support of family and friends. This gives girls an advantage in that they see the role model in their mother surviving, picking up the pieces and moving on. The role model of a young boy is most often no longer present after divorce, so they don't have the first hand experience of how to get past the splitting up of a family as a male when they are grown.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  254. Chuck in Oregon

    Jack, could it be that women get most of the money in the divorce in the majority of cases, leaving the man broke and depressed for years to come?
    They can't get anywhere. They are less viable as mates because they're still paying for the last marriage. Many of them have their lives destroyed by greedy wives that keep going back to court for more and more money, even AFTER the children are grown and moved out.
    How can someone go on knowing they have no future for years to come?
    Meanwhile, while the wife sits at home, letting the schools raise their kids, never even trying to get a job. And the ex is left in abject poverty. Not really fair, is it?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  255. andrew in pinehurst, nc

    Jack, you're married, right? My experience is that we (men) get more dependent as we get older. We depend on our wives to do too many things that we take for granite. We depend on them to to the things our mothers did for us, and at the same time provide the emotional and physical love that we require. The loss of a wife is really like the loss of both the wife and the mother. We're so screwed up that it's a wonder more don't commit suicide.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:26 pm |
  256. George

    A man going through a divorce finds himself isolated...married friends don't get it. Judges don't see it.

    I have been fortunate enough to have experienced a court system that doesn't side with my ex. She is being forced to wake up to the reality SHE has chosen.

    But for others, it seems to be so horrible.

    Suicide seems to be a last desperate attempt to take control of one's life. I can see that now. I can only hope to be able to provide some meager level of support to a man – OR woman – who is suffering in their own isolation.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:26 pm |
  257. Don Torgersen - Island Lake, Il

    Jack, After her lawyer gets done bleeding you, death is the only option left..

    March 11, 2010 at 8:26 pm |
  258. Becky Shore

    It shouldn't be hard to figure out. Many women divorce men who have alcohol and drug problems. Men who are alcholics and have drug problems are depressed and would attempt suicide more often then the general society. Depressed people commit more suicides. Also a woman might divorce a man who is depressed, as they are hard to live with.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:26 pm |
  259. ejaih

    Contrary to what most men will admit, they tend to become so dependent on women, that they lose their ability to function in a healthy way.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:26 pm |
  260. A. Rice

    The other womenn he was seeing....will leave him. He is required by law to support his wife and children. There goes the extra money. When the other women sees he has nothing....she will move on to something better. It is depressing and reality finally sinks in......the wife and mother of his children....was always there.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:26 pm |
  261. Shane

    A woman no matter how unattractive, broke and unpleasant can hook up anytime they want. A man has to work at it.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:27 pm |
  262. Keith Owen

    Because when a divorced man finds out that all that laying about-bobbon eatin' his wife was doing was really a lot of shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry doin', kid raisin sock mendin' soccer game drivin' bill payin' work he can't handle by himself he just flat lays down and dies.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:27 pm |
  263. steve- virginia beach

    The women seem to usually get the kids, the house, and everything in the house and a judgement for a large sum of money due monthly. Meanwhile the men have to get a second residence, furnishings, and pay another set of bills. What's left? I suspect the statistics would be different if it was the women who usually got the shaft.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:27 pm |
  264. Keith

    Failure! That is the number one reason. Also when a father gets divorced
    and does not get custody of the children, he is forced to pay child support. I worked 2 jobs for 3 years to meat the financial need's of child support. I now have to provide a residence and health care. We all know about health care and what a burden this is. Now I love my child and want to spend as much time as I can, but I'm working 2 jobs and have no time. Unless a person makes 50,000 or more per year this is not possible.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:28 pm |
  265. mike herring

    Jack, with so many divorcing wives being vindictive and so many judges imposing severely punishing divorce decrees it's no wonder suicide is so high among divorced men. Their children are taken away more often than not, much of what they worked for stripped from them and future earnings handed over via ridiculously high alimony. They are often made to feel totally responsible for the divorce and are treated as pariahs by society. The statistics don't surprise me at all.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:29 pm |
  266. marty pavin

    a simple answer,,,,kids, home, money ,,,all of sudden you have no home ,,asked to leave,or worse yet.. thrown out.....see the kids you love once a week if you are lucky,,,,,find a place to live which you cant afford, and alimony,,,,I say its pretty deppressing,,,,,,,,

    March 11, 2010 at 8:29 pm |
  267. Dale

    Men aren't that complicated ~ no more cooked meals, no clean laundry, no housekeeping and no sex.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:29 pm |
  268. Sal Frasca

    Jack
    It’s not the divorce it the aftermath. Separation from their children. Unfair court system that places the unrealistic burdens on man. The frustration experienced when parental alienation is used to gain an advantage in the divorce process. This does apply to both men and women but much higher for men. The Family Court System in this country needs to take some responsibility for the high suicide rate in men.

    Sal Frasca
    National Marriage Centers

    March 11, 2010 at 8:29 pm |
  269. Hanson

    Jack your points about male misery due to Divorce are extremely valid.

    However, you neglected to mention one of the main contributory factors of this misery.

    Namely, the financial devastation the ex-husband has forced on him by an uncaring court system that caters, almost exclusively, to the favoured legal status women enjoy in this country.

    In addition to the emotional pain I can see why this is simply too much for many men to bear.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:29 pm |
  270. Wayne

    When I got divorced it was one of the happiest days in my life, hasta la vista to the whacko ex-wife, no suicidal thoughts here... there's always something good that will come from a bad situation, you just have to be open to it and not dwell in the past...

    March 11, 2010 at 8:30 pm |
  271. Partha Dutta

    Jack,
    The answer is very easy, most women walk away from the divorce after having taken 50% or more in assets – often the home, even when they have had no contribution to making any money! In addition, the women 99% of the time continue to get "child-support" money, thereby draining the former husbands' further. All this is nothing more than State sponsored forcible re-distribution of men's/husbands' wealth to the pathetic piece-of-shit women, that the men are trying to get away from to correct their first mistake – called "Marriage." Who would nt commit suicide under such departure conditions? Don't ever "Marry" and sign away your life to someone of the "feminine" gender!!! They are not cats to pet – they are wolves, hungry after your blood.
    Partha Dutta
    Lexington, KY

    March 11, 2010 at 8:30 pm |
  272. lee

    like you said women are more likely to take the edge off, and maybe men start taking the meds too late in life and they cant handle the depression that comes with the pharmaceuticals.?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:30 pm |
  273. Bob Howell

    I have never been divorced but I am a widower. Losing my wife at 50 was without a doubt the most traumatic experience I've ever been through. It's been over 8 years and I am still recovering. My entire support network was torn apart. I was so bad that I let my finances go and am just now out of debt and back on the road to recovery. I was never formally diagnosed but I think I had a form of PTSD. Anyway it practically destroyed me. In contrast when my wife lost her first husband in 1985, she rebounded and was remarried to me in less than two years. The difference? She had a 3, 9 and 17 year old and wanted a new husband and I was willing. Anyway I think it is similar for divorce. I think most divorces are initiated by the wife although I have no evidence. For the man we feel that we have failed. It is very demoralizing.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:30 pm |
  274. Dr. Brian Palevac

    Multivarient research statistics proves the fact that American Fathers are suffering gross family court injustices allowing Mothers of their children exclusive "ownership" (custody) and "cash flow" (child support/blackmail) following divorce. This situation results from the economic pressure counties have learned to depend on collecting, processing and disbursing court service fees and the "legal family destruction" system "family attorneys" have designed.

    As result, American Fathers have subject to surprise family abandonment, for many humans, a stress greater in impact than death thus, motivates ones inappropriate idiative (suicide) consideration.

    This situation must be remedied immediately. I suggest that the simple fact that when the one acts to destroy the family be filing for divorce, that in itself is an object admission of psychosis thus, should never be allowed contact with children until they receive approriate mental health care. I would further suggest if that policy were enforced, family health, welfare and safety would be greatly improved with concurrent decreased divorce thus, male suicide rates.

    Dr. Brian Palevac

    March 11, 2010 at 8:31 pm |
  275. Andy

    Compared to the love of a child a woman carries for nine months, gives birth to, and raises, the love of a man means nothing. A man cannot create life, so a woman is often his greatest love. Men suffer the most emotionally when their greatest love is taken away 60% of the time in this country.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:31 pm |
  276. Paula

    Simple; mens' egoes are typically influenced by their traditional role as bread winners. When men beat their brains out for years to get ahead financially and lose half their assets in a divorce the prospect of starting over is too bleak to accept. Couple that with the usual court requirement to support kids they rarely see and over whom they have little influence and it's a recipe for disaster. The statics are no surprise to me.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:31 pm |
  277. Jay

    Let's face it. The good old USA and the feminist man-hater network that lives within it's borders have declared war on men. Everything from the legal system, to the constant strain placed on men kills them younger and causes them to commit suicide. If 95% of the women in this country were denied custody of their children, if they had to pay child support, split their pensions, pay alimony for life, not get to visit their kids, foot all the lawyers bills, etc... Essentially, if the double standard that has been created were reversed... we'd be seeing a lot more women jumping off bridges, overdosing, and shooting themselves. They couldn't handle it! The feminists own the media and the male bashing continues... The media never talks about cheating women. They only talk about cheating men... From what I've seen, women cheat more than men, but the media is controlled by the feminists. There are a lot of great men that have been royally screwed by their cheating wives. Ironically, the judges reward the cheating wives even when it's proven. Remember the DOUBLE STANDARD!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:31 pm |
  278. William R Jones

    Well Jack speaking from experience here in North Carolina. The men get rake over the coals if he makes more money than his spouse. Its easier for the judges to spit everything and give the man the all the financial responsibility. Remember the old saying its cheaper to keep her or die.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:32 pm |
  279. mm

    Men have larger egos and take much of what failures they have in life very personally - they get depressed or angry (two sides of same coin). Most women understand that they have worth just as they are by the time they are old enough to file for divorce. And - no care taking ahead - relief!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:32 pm |
  280. Joseph Kavanaugh

    Jack,
    As soon as the government lets me know that aliens have arrived from outterspace, your question will be irevelant.

    Joe, NY

    March 11, 2010 at 8:34 pm |
  281. grofys

    who knows and who cares. i stopped caring what my ex-husband does the day he started taking drugs, drinking and having an affair with a subterranean piece of filth. i suppose a relationship between two people who never fight, but openly discuss problems, who raise children and work toward a common goal within the wonderful litle universe of marriage means nothing when a spouse hits 40 and decides he no longer wants responsibilities in his life. suicide, abandonment, infidelity, addiction: they are all symptomatic of people who refuse to grow up.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:34 pm |
  282. Cara B

    I think, by reading some of the comments here, it's quite obvious why men seem to react to divorce the way they do. Women are financially better off after a divorce???? Really? You'd better check those statistics, fellas, because that's not actually the truth and not by a long shot. Obviously, men take divorce so badly because they live in an altered state of reality to start with.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:35 pm |
  283. Majy

    The worst parts of both long-term relationships I've had seemed to occur when I was the breadwinner. On some level, I think men don't want women to outearn them because it makes them feel irrelevant (not true, but they're hard wired I think). I wouldn't be surprised if this suicide statistic was connected to the men's unemployment as well–nothing to do with men being more capable of deep love, as one poster commented.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:35 pm |
  284. Nick

    I think some of the comments here from women miss the point so much as to be laughable.

    In a typical divorce case, the woman walks out with all of the benefits from the marriage, but none of the responsibilities. The man walks out with all of the same responsibilities, but none of the benefits.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:35 pm |
  285. Jim Green, TX, www.Inclusivism.org

    What is the data on the ratio of Depression – men to women? My recollection is that men are far more apt to be treated for Depression, than women?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:36 pm |
  286. Larry

    I got custody of my children because of a wife that didn't care... I was lucky... Some men deserve what they get during a devorce.. But 50% of us do not!!! The system is made for women!! Until all the good men Stand up and make it known then the world will see less and less marriage...

    March 11, 2010 at 8:36 pm |
  287. Juan

    It's one of the most difficult life changes in a man's life. It may be pride or the duration and incredibly difficult legal battle. But at the end of the day, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Those who choose the wrong way out had serious issues before they were even married. and Sue From Idaho – what do you know about being a man?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:37 pm |
  288. Don Ritchie

    The laws are a mess, Jack!

    My best friend since childhood took his own life 4 years ago because he lost custody of his daughter and the court gave the mother over HALF of his net income ($1250 of $2300)! On top of that, he had a new mortgage from the house he bought her and the baby. Between his mortgage, his car payment, and various insurance obligations – he was $100 in the hole before he cashed his check. He took a night job – Friend of the Court IMMEDIATELY took 90% of the wages. His attorney was confident he would do well in the appeal process, but the process takes 18 months!

    So, he got drunk and slit his wrists in the bathtub.

    The craziest part is that he should have gotten custody. He had a stable union job he had held for five years. The mother was an unemployed felon and a drug addict living with her grandparents. In America, "the best interests of the child" means "the parent without a penis."

    Don in Louisiana

    March 11, 2010 at 8:37 pm |
  289. john d

    I am the father of two wonderful girls 15 and 8, devorced for three years, and for those three years, my ex has done everything in her power to destroy my relationship with my girls. and the state of washington has done nothing to help me. It seems all I truely am is a paycheck. I fought for this country and I can not even get fair treatment in our courts. The reason is simple Dads have no rights, Moms have all the cards stacked in their favor. Dads feel helpless. and noone will help

    March 11, 2010 at 8:37 pm |
  290. Ken in NC

    Suicide is not an option. I don't know who got the idea that men were more suicidal than women in a divorce but I think they may be wrong.

    My wife ran off with my best friend and I had another bachelor party

    March 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm |
  291. Double D

    I am actually stunned by this. The only explaination would be that married men already feel their life is over and with the wife and all don't really have the time in the day to make it official. I am sixty and yes married. As I told my son, if every father was required by law to provide full disclosure to their son about marriage, our species would have died out years ago.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm |
  292. Eugene - NY

    Divorces can ruin a man emotionally, physically and financially. Child support and alimony are tolls a guy may have to pay for the rest of his life and in a lot of cases the ex-wife won't let the father develop a healthy relationship with the kids just out of revenge or scorn. That's the type of heavy burden that not all men can withstand.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:39 pm |
  293. Will

    Allow me to speak from experience. My father the military man taught me to bear up. Deal with it, don't talk about it. No matter what. I was taught by my father to do that. That being said, I believe that some suicide is an impulse.
    Can death be less painful than the life which one might feel has betrayed them? How can you say you wouldn't jump from a window if news came into your tenth story office that your wife or child is dead?

    I believe men are more prone to the helplessness of being emotionally incapable of sharing their sorrows. I mean, huge numbers of us are taught to never share their feelings.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:39 pm |
  294. SAM

    Is no surprise that divorce men in this country are more prone to comit suicide than their female counterpart. Jack you wanna know why? The laws and courts in this country are to be blamed. As an example, I paid heavily on child support, spousal support and now to make matters worse I will pay allimony for the rest of my life. I am currently unemployed and the court is still counting arreas of allimony I will owe the day I lay hands on another job. God knows when. I guese if I put a gun on my head the court will be chasing my ghost for it.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:40 pm |
  295. Chris McGuire, Delray Beach, FL

    It is a widely held belief among psychologists that men feel a greater sense of remorse than women do. This could be a chief contributing factory.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:41 pm |
  296. Sam

    I believe that suicide is more frequent for men than women after a divorce is because more than likely the woman pretty much ends up with the kids. So she has to do everything and anything to make ends meet for the kids. Coming home from a hard days work for a woman to kids is something to look forward to especially after a divorce. Women give birth to children so women have a strong bond to their kids. Not saying that the men don't but its different. Men like to feel that they are in control. They need to feel as if there family depends on them. When that is gone they tend to feel out of place. They have no one to come home to. They feel that the woman took everything so what's the point of going on? So then depression sets in day after day after day. To the point where it's intolerable. So then they just take there life as a quick way to end the pain. I have spoke to some women and some say they thought about suicide after a divorce but reconsiders because who will take better care of their kids the way they do?

    March 11, 2010 at 8:41 pm |
  297. Bill Jarvis

    Suicide is higher for divorced men because they more than women do not feel purpose in life. Without a wife for physical and psychological purpose, men feel no purpose to continue on. The only exception is to develop a new purpose and productivity in life. This can be done, but emotionally is difficult.

    March 11, 2010 at 8:42 pm |
  298. Theresa

    Too many times the child support payments are more imp't. to the women of the divorcing couple than the child/children having a worthwhile relationship with their father. I have known women who do not want their husbands to have their girlfriends or their new wife becoming close to their children. But it's o.k. for the divorced wife to introduce the children to her new partner. Too many women I know think men are useless & don't think their children need their fathr in their lives. The father becomes depressed, many times if the wife makes it difficult for the father to spend time with the children, he'll just give up. He'll feel like a failure-no wife,no children. Sometimes it can lead to attempted suicide or suicide that is successful. A sad situation! I am a divorced woman...except I wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her father. When we were married my husband & our daughter were very close but once we separated he thought if he ignored our daughter it would hurt me. I informed him if he continued to ignore her she wouldn't want anything to do with him as she grew older. That's exactly what happened. Now when it's too late ,he's feeling sorry for himself & wants to start up the father ,daughter relatonship!

    March 11, 2010 at 8:43 pm |
  299. chris

    yea, there's a difference. Guys usually get stuck with debt, alimony etc. while the woman isn't and can find another bread winner without past relationship troubles following them as often.

    Here's just my story...
    Me – left with debt and shock
    Her – happy as a pea with her personal trainer

    March 11, 2010 at 8:43 pm |
  300. natheer hasan ramadneh

    She got the house,the car,half of 401,pay for her lawyer fees.Then 33%child support,33% when they come to visit me, then 33% for me to pay their health insurance,my house payment,car and the rest of the my bills.......I don't know what to do with the left over money.......

    March 11, 2010 at 8:44 pm |